Technology Detox

And no, i don't mean detox through medical means. I cant find a better suiting word, thus i ll stick to this.
What has been going on, that I was blessed to see, was a complete takeover of my life by my tech gizmos - namely my 2 cell phones and my laptop. And no, i am not referring to facebook. I have been over that "partial addiction" last year, when i went rogue and deleted my account - now its only in place for business use.
I am referring to the situation where I am constantly wired to the internet, my emails, the annoying stupid text messages that i don't know why i keep replying to, and tiny things like that - which in the bigger picture has really screwed my life over. My sleep was demented, i kept waking up in the middle of the night because of some stupid fat head's "whatsup" or the network connection's evil message of telling me how i can change my ring tone for a slight fortune. I became a mummy, quite literally. My food intake went down, my attention span went really low, i became all trippy and jumpy - just like a drug addict.
This may be hypocritical of me to condemn these things, as i sell the annoying tools during the day. But, it doesn't mean that i cannot complain about how it has messed everyone over.

So since a few days, i have started this process of technological detoxification - where after 11 pm i close both my cellphones(all hail blackberry for the auto shut and auto open option), shut down my laptop and plug it out so that i don't wake up in the night and try to open it again, keep the cellphones and laptop in a corner of the room, shut the room lights off so i cant unknowingly fire those things up again, and go into my peace full routine of reading a book or watch a lame movie on the TV.
Apart from this, i have almost stopped replying to messages containing the words: "whatsap" or "hey man, long time". Only replying to ones which are related to my work - cause i cant really NOT reply to my boss's message and still retain my job. BUT, my biggest chunk of gossip messages has died, thankfully.
And all this has brought so much joy to my life, that i might not be able to explain through words, but through my facial expressions - which is something like "YAY :0".
What I'm looking forward to do now, is what Dr.Ghazala(a friend at T2F) once told me to do - take an entire day off. Shut off the cellphone, head to a beach, and just sit there like a dumb bell for the longest time. Before, this sounded like a waste of time, and why the hell would i do that. But now, after the semi detox process, it has started to sound like a complete joy.
Now i wont really preach everyone to do this, whatever i am doing. Yet it still is something i will tell everyone to try it for a few days. The first day is always horrible, but the second day starts to be the most relaxing day/night you ever had in your life.
And the week after the first day - you hit radio silence heaven, and you discover your actual self with complete authority and no strings attached. You fall in love with your own self.

In the memory of my nani...

* i can go on forever talking about my grandma's coolness. I accept this fact even before deciding how i will be writing this piece of blog. There are just a gazillion stories and thoughts swimming around in my mind that i would love to put it out there. But well, I'll just let my keyboard and brain take it from here..

The simplest way of putting whatever happened will have to be: it was a tremendous loss, one which might be just impossible to get over from. She was an angel - a goddess in my life. For the majority of my childhood she, along with my nana, raised me, as they happened to live right opposite my house and my parents used to be off to their work places. My version of kiddy time around my grandparents revolved around getting to use calligraphic pens or learning how to engrave in a piece of cardboard. My memory of bed time stories, narrated to me by my grand ma, involved Baba Bulleh Shah and Quaid-e-Azam, while fictional characters never existed to me for the longest time. Once, she told me - he is smart who reads about others' lives, and learns from their mistakes. Something which I can never forget, something through which I have learnt the most important lessons of my life. But, in short, it was just the best childhood one could ever get, and I'm really blessed to have that, and to know those stand up personalities in person.
I still remember, when I finally started doing something with my life - going places, starting up businesses, doing a shit load of work, every tiny achievement - I would tell her. And she would just sit there, on her favourite seat with her ear piece on, smiling in the most adorable way possible - while saying stuff like "abhi bohut agey jana hai tumhein(you still have a long way to go)". That look of satisfaction made it feel like it was all worth it, and that the world cant do me any harm.
Now, I have no idea how to deal with the loss - but from what i know, shes kicking back in the heavens with nana right now, having a ball, looking down at us beaming with immense pride, thinking Bulleh Shah was a risky venture for bed time stories, but it paid off in the right ways.


Dedicated to the memory of the best grandma.
You're missed nani. No one can fill your seat.
God Bless.


*this blog is merely one of many which will be coming. Abrupt as this may be, it is just a start.

It was meant to be a one man show.

The veins turn ice cold,
time decides to stand still,
a haze descends on the vision,
and the people start to disappear.

The mind starts doing backflips,
the emotions wash off,
nothing matters now.

The spotlight blinds the vision,
and realisation dawns -
its only me on the stage,
time to roll the one man show credits.

*mind blabbers - blog publishes it. cruelty at its best.

Jungle rule?

So i am struck by a very strange situation - a total void of any human emotions. It has been bugging me since quiet some time, but as i slowly start to write about it, i come to peace with it.
Since a few days, i have stopped feeling any emotions - at least not the good ones, i still feel the happiness of certain things, but generally its in the category of "indifference". Care is something i have forgotten, precaution is to the wind - and to point out something which makes this ironic is: i was always the guy particular about everything, analysing any risk a billion times if i was to embark on something which was generally frowned upon let alone be even remotely illegal. Friends, i hate to admit, are losing worth. I'm told its the arrogance kicking in, its the head fogging up with fucked up ideas. But, i politely refuse - i can think sense at times as well.
The word "friend" is now merely a simpler word for "acquaintance". Old ones - well, they have done their part in screwing my life one way or the other and in the process ensuring i never even think of them once in the future days. I hate to admit now though, i have screwed up - over the years I have become almost completely self sufficient(emotionally/socially, if not financial), being alone isn't a scary thought anymore, on the contrary its quiet appealing now. I have screwed up in the sense that a few years back i was compared to a stone (emotionally) and although I rejected that idea back then, over the time i have some how evolved into one.
"Indifferent" may be the word, but an expression will go something like how a friend neatly summed it up today, unknowing of my inner battle:

"its like an empty jungle man, and you are apparently the king"

ahh well - alot of bull shit has been covered i suppose. "suit up" is the thing to do now i think - Barney Stinson was indeed right, life is pretty awesome this way.

Airport security - safety for some, strip show for some

This fellow was left semi nude in the lobby of Jinnah Airport, after the metal detector beeped 'cause of metal buttons in his kurta. Must be messaging his family: "raped, dont expect me home tonight".

Reconnecting - old comrades

Its funny, actually, how we end up meeting people from our pasts un-expectedly. And by meeting I mean a physical interaction or merely chatting up through a few ridiculous texts. I had one of those days when a lot of people from your past come out in front of you at once, and it’s like a pleasant blur. Be it the ex fellow students, at a hotel, that I ran into when I went to have lunch, or talking to an ex-friend through SMS like it was 2004 again and the time when everything was suddenly all "electric", or chatting up shit with one of your old teacher.

It brings me to one pressing thought, the sense of how much people have changed, how much I, as a person, have changed over this time. But then there’s this thing which amazes me more, it’s that no matter how much people change, a few things remain constant in them. A prime example would be my want of a private jet, ever since I was 15, when I saw this actor dude hitching a plane with a rock star in some movie. The exciting thing was I told a certain someone, who I was talking to after a very long time, I still want a plane, and she flipped over the fact that I STILL want that. It is ridiculous, this wish of mine, I should clearly accept. But just maybe, it’s that thing in me which reminds me of who I was, and how much I have changed over this time. Maybe, the wish is just an anchor point of the past. Mind dwells on countless explanations. I shall repeat though, I still want a private jet. Black in color, with a matching Lamborghini. Donations are welcomed, in pretty much any form.

Another "reconnecting" event of the day, worth to be repeated, is that this teacher of mine, who taught me 2 years back, called - to tell me lecole is starting its ACCA program again. Fun was the fact that we actually bitched for half an hour about how the students of other schools are not sane enough to be... well, humans. And by human I mean a general yet bearable personality bearing person.

It’s amazing how human changes over time. Even more amazing is the fact that no matter how much they change, they somehow stay the same. All I’m trying to say here is its fun talking with old comrades after a long time. It reminded me the reason I have a sore ass, I kept sitting on nails.

PHET effect - on the streets and at the hotel

I sit in the lounge of Regent Plaza, a somewhat known hotel to me, waiting for my room to get ready. My sister has an exam in an hour. It’s pouring madly outside. CFA people didn’t find it in their interest to postpone the paper. Thus after a hurried session of packing my valuables, jamming in the car, and hitting the road at break neck speed, we arrive at Regent.

Now you may be thinking, why did we shift to this hotel, what about the house? Well, the house, after much tear and sweat was sealed against rain water the whole day yesterday, but the seal didn’t match the wrath of the rain. When it started to rain last night, around 2 AM, the house was in waters within an hour. Specially my room. It became a mini pond. Rest of the rooms were relatively dry. Ironic for this to happen to someone who is water phobic?

So well, the whole night was spent awake, with me and my dad manually trying to throw the water out as much as we could and seal the places with cement and plaster. It was useless, as it turned out. The water was one tough opponent, always finding ways to get in. I tried countless strategies of the Need for Speed game, to think of ways how difficult is this challenge, and how difficult the next challenge will be?

And while waiting in the lobby, I meet a student, waiting for her turn to come so she can go in the exam room. She’s scared for her exam, yet she is more scared about how it’s going to be when she comes out, how far will her house be under the waters? I shudder to think the condition of my house right now. Probably a nesting place for fishes?

Now the truth is: I have no idea how it’s going to turn out now. I’m now in the refuge of a hotel, which of course is un-safe in this country, my room is still not ready, and it will take half an hour more. My sister’s paper starts in an hour. God help us all. I don’t want to drown.

PHET- up

Right now, as i write, its starting to rain outside. I put all my phones on charge, tell the people of the house to do the same. Get the torches out, and clean the generator. My sister is sleeping right now behind me, she has a paper tommorow. I just hope she wakes up to a dry sunny day.
I write this, to summarise the fiasco happening in my life in the past couple of days due to this cyclone PHET. Ever since it has started, just a couple o days back, life in karachi for me has been somewhat crippled. Different channels giving different reports, different websites giving their own little views on how its going to struck karachi.
My mom has been the worst hit uptil now i suppose. She has been worried like PHET is going to come right upto our house and knock on our door and ask for a shower. All the sms she recieves are automatically repeated at the maximum volume to the entire house, all the website reports are saved and emailed to everyone. She even has made a contingent plan of shifting to a hotel, which is apparently the only place where the cyclone wont be planning to go. When this is all over, and i hope it is really soon, she will be the one who feels the most relieved i suppose.
So well, starting off BBC has been a giant pain in the arse about this. Last night it predicted clear skies, and well, it rained bullocks over my house. Clear skies? My ass! Weather.com/yahoo weather has been predicting thunderstorms every hour, and today the whole day it predicted the same, when the sun was out and i was drenched in sweat getting my house sealed from the expected water. The dilemma is, who to believe here?
Which brings me to a whole different news, urgent house restructuring took place today. In a span of 2 hours, the house was made somewhat waterproof. The water tank raised, the entrance doors of the ground floor recieved bricks and cement, to make sure no water creeps in (like the last time it rained, and there was 2ft of water inside the house), the windows sealed with this silicone stuff, and sand dunes being made on all open spots. Oh and the cars got these black pipes on their asses to stop the water from going up its holes. Funny much i suppose.
This cyclone PHET is seriously getting on my nerves. Im tired of friends sms-ing me to tell me how fun it was for them to know me, how its time they drown and die, or sms-ing stuff like take care, stay on high grounds and blah blah. I may be the most care-free person about PHET right now, i dont care if it hits or not. If it does, bad luck, we gotta suck up and live with it. If not, we still get a shit load of rain to face, and well.. suck up.
All i care about is that i got a paper on thursday. And BBC predicts a sunny day. God help me!

Justice - a state of mind

Past few events have left me wondering. Justice is a state of mind now, and probably left as a myth. It is now much alike the tooth fairy.
Guardians of justice, the lawyers, are day after day being blamed for being corrupted. And sure, some of these accusations might just be un-based, a rumour. But atleast some of that has to be true! My opinion is.. well, all the buggers are busy getting a piece of the action, why should anyone take judges to be angels in this place.
So now what is left of justice? For some it is just to get the word out there, that hey! this happened. Media flashes a few camera their way, and bam, justice for them is done, word is out, a few brothers read about it, a few see it on the tv. Moment of silence.
For some, it may just be about getting a police report made. The police goes around, after much references of powerfull people and things, and arrests some boy who had nothing to do with it all, but wrongly captured for the heck of closing one case. Case closed.
Justice might as well be more of a mist now, thin and very hard to see. I wonder is there real justice out there? I doubt it. I just hope my worries are someday proved wrong, and toothfairies do exsist.
I have alot of teeths lying around.

Perhaps befitting the current state of the whole world.

a sunset.

watching a sunset,
is like dawning of a mist on you,
a mist which turns you into a mere lump.

your mind forgets how to think,
your body forgets how to move,
the earth and your feet are suddenly one.

your body gets stiff,
in the hope of stopping the sun from going away,
the eyes are left as a mere camera lens,
capturing the moment,
which you can never witness from any other photo.

you silently pray, like a little kid -
Oh Lord! please let the sun stay..
a few minutes more wont really harm its grace?

but alas! its gone,
and you are left there, staring into the dark,
but then maybe tommorow,
you'll be there yet again, with open arms,
just this time, to welcome it back to your world.

PS: this might be a crappy revisit to the poetic side of myslf, but had the urge to describe the scenic moment of a sunset that i witnessed recently, whose pictures might not do justice to its beauty.