The veins turn ice cold,
time decides to stand still,
a haze descends on the vision,
and the people start to disappear.
The mind starts doing backflips,
the emotions wash off,
nothing matters now.
The spotlight blinds the vision,
and realisation dawns -
its only me on the stage,
time to roll the one man show credits.
*mind blabbers - blog publishes it. cruelty at its best.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Jungle rule?
So i am struck by a very strange situation - a total void of any human emotions. It has been bugging me since quiet some time, but as i slowly start to write about it, i come to peace with it.
Since a few days, i have stopped feeling any emotions - at least not the good ones, i still feel the happiness of certain things, but generally its in the category of "indifference". Care is something i have forgotten, precaution is to the wind - and to point out something which makes this ironic is: i was always the guy particular about everything, analysing any risk a billion times if i was to embark on something which was generally frowned upon let alone be even remotely illegal. Friends, i hate to admit, are losing worth. I'm told its the arrogance kicking in, its the head fogging up with fucked up ideas. But, i politely refuse - i can think sense at times as well.
The word "friend" is now merely a simpler word for "acquaintance". Old ones - well, they have done their part in screwing my life one way or the other and in the process ensuring i never even think of them once in the future days. I hate to admit now though, i have screwed up - over the years I have become almost completely self sufficient(emotionally/socially, if not financial), being alone isn't a scary thought anymore, on the contrary its quiet appealing now. I have screwed up in the sense that a few years back i was compared to a stone (emotionally) and although I rejected that idea back then, over the time i have some how evolved into one.
"Indifferent" may be the word, but an expression will go something like how a friend neatly summed it up today, unknowing of my inner battle:
"its like an empty jungle man, and you are apparently the king"
ahh well - alot of bull shit has been covered i suppose. "suit up" is the thing to do now i think - Barney Stinson was indeed right, life is pretty awesome this way.
Since a few days, i have stopped feeling any emotions - at least not the good ones, i still feel the happiness of certain things, but generally its in the category of "indifference". Care is something i have forgotten, precaution is to the wind - and to point out something which makes this ironic is: i was always the guy particular about everything, analysing any risk a billion times if i was to embark on something which was generally frowned upon let alone be even remotely illegal. Friends, i hate to admit, are losing worth. I'm told its the arrogance kicking in, its the head fogging up with fucked up ideas. But, i politely refuse - i can think sense at times as well.
The word "friend" is now merely a simpler word for "acquaintance". Old ones - well, they have done their part in screwing my life one way or the other and in the process ensuring i never even think of them once in the future days. I hate to admit now though, i have screwed up - over the years I have become almost completely self sufficient(emotionally/socially, if not financial), being alone isn't a scary thought anymore, on the contrary its quiet appealing now. I have screwed up in the sense that a few years back i was compared to a stone (emotionally) and although I rejected that idea back then, over the time i have some how evolved into one.
"Indifferent" may be the word, but an expression will go something like how a friend neatly summed it up today, unknowing of my inner battle:
"its like an empty jungle man, and you are apparently the king"
ahh well - alot of bull shit has been covered i suppose. "suit up" is the thing to do now i think - Barney Stinson was indeed right, life is pretty awesome this way.
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